best served hot or iced

Tea!

Best served hot, with a little cream and sugar.

Iced is good on a hot day

Hot or iced...tea is good.

The tea always starts hot, steaming, inviting, ready!  Then tea delays happen. Children need help getting ready for school, gotta hop in the shower, answer an email, take the dog out.  The quickly cooling liquid gets transferred into a travel mug after a quick warm in the microwave and we're off. Typically, the one cup lingers about, now room temperature, and forgotten or barely given a second glance.  A fresh cup procured often finds the same treatment on my desk or kitchen counter.  

Many things should only be served hot or ice cold...not lukewarm!

Hot: soup (Loretta Hot please), corn on the cob, cocoa, pizza, brownies.  The "best served hot" list is endless

Ice cold: ice cream, champagne, watermelon, ice cold milk served on top of cereal, beer!

Interestingly, this week I was told to "avoid lukewarm".  Interesting!

The doctors think that the tumors may be pressing on my hypothalamus and pituitary glands causing them to quit functioning as the should. These two glands tell you when you are full and give your body signals to stop eating and drinking. My body is currently not receiving those signals making me very thirsty.  When I eat, I have to stop myself so I don't over eat. The liquid consumption is being closely monitored.

So why avoid lukewarm?  Hot and cold are more satisfying to the mouth.  When drinking or eating something hot or really cold, we have to go slower so we don't burn ourselves. There is intentionality about it.

Sitting and drinking a cup of tea takes on a whole different rhythym when it has to consumed while hot! You can't check Facebook or fold the clothes when your hands are occupied by hot mug of tea.  I am monitoring how much goes in so I want to make every sip count.

And of course, the whole idea of avoiding the lukewarm has risen to the surface as a theme for me as my days have begun to get smaller.  

There is not a lot of activity due to my worsening vision, dizziness and increasing fatigue.  Reading is difficult, writing even more so.  Negotiating my home is slow and methodical.  I have events I am stockpiling my energy for in the coming days.

But as small as my world is getting, hot and cold are present every day.

Hot fiery tears sting our faces everyday. Laughter can burn and still be tender.   Scary, I-don't-feel-very-brave-today, ice comes sliding off roofs, smashing its crystals in front of door ways that need addressing. 

There is the temptation to avoid the hot and cold...just stay lukewarm and positive.  If we just let things come to a more comfortable temperature, they will be easier to process and cope with. Satisfaction decreases as the hot cools and the ice warms.

Lingering and not rushing over that hot cup of tea, tasting it as it should be: hot and ready! Feeling the hot tears of anger or fear or the belly ache of laughter.  

When things run cold, when the crisp icy grip wets and coats and makes me feel frozen, I lean in and question and try to understand.  How can I really embrace what's been placed before me? By eating it as it was intended: hot or iced...not lukewarm. Don't linger...drink up...it's hot or cold now.

This path, this journey, this cup of hot tea or ice tea, is best when served hot or iced.  Choose one.

Avoid lukewarm

red fred

I'm in a car.  

I am a passenger not the driver...thank goodness!  Thank goodness because my vision is deteriorating.  

Double vision, very dizzy head, trouble focusing in general let alone all the turning and watching that maneuvering a moving vehicle requires! Seriously...thank goodness I am the passenger!

I love to drive! I love the control really! I feel in control, things feel controllable in the drivers seat.  Hugh has let me drive more in the last coulple of years when we are together because when everything has felt out of control, that feels a little more under my command.  Plus...I am a good driver.

Not anymore. Now I am not only a bad driver but a dangerous one.

Now I only ride as a passenger.  Today my chauffeur is a great driver, although he admits he is an overly aggressive one.  His driving has always sort of scared me but I have always been transported from one location to another without incident, although most times I am a basket case by the time I land at point B.  It's a running joke between us. I got my license before him although he is my older brother but I swear he attended a different drivers training school. Bottom line: things feel out of my control when I am in his car and I am all about that control.

Now, today, we are driving through the winding hills outside San Fransisco on our way to our next adventure.  Moving in and out of the car to house, or restraraunt or location is effort for me.  Moving about as a passenger in this speedy red wagon has become a beautiful lesson in surrender.

The other passengers are commenting on the sights around them, pointing out things of interest and intrigue. I can see yellow and orange but can't turn or see if it is oranges or lemons or flowers that is catching their eyes. My eyes are not working fast enough to process.  

Before there would be an on-going dialogue about slowing down, watching out and being careful. "Do you see that biker?" Hands out, feet pretend-braking, bracing myself, probably making him crazy with my paranoia of the for sure impending doom in our future because he is behind the wheel.

Today, butt warm from seat warmers and all buckled in, my eyes are down or even closed. The car is forward moving, turning, stopping, curving, winding, maneuvering, up hills, under bridges, on freeways, yielding to bikes, strollers, crosswalks full of California outdoor enthusiasts. 

There is no anxiety...not even an ounce. I don't know the way or the turns to take to reach our destination. I can't see clearly and with my history, I should be getting car sick but I am not.  I can tell he is adhering to my drivers training more than his own but as I ride I am feeling content and not concerned.  And not because he is driving differently.

I am surrendered. I have the choice and I have let it go. For the first time I am so happy he is in control and is taking care of the way.  Surrender has ushered in a lovely way to travel.  If I want today's adventure, he will get me there.  He knows the way, the shortcuts, and the traffic.  When we arrive, it will be because he safely transported me and not because of anything I did or said other than get in the car and let him take me there.

I can surrender because of his character, because I know he loves me, considers me very precious cargo and wants to see me safely arrived at our destination.  Yes, I choose surrender because of who he is and his love and devotion to me. Surrender is easy when there is trust, love, a kindness of character that allows it to happen with ease.

What a beautiful scenic ride!