red fred

I'm in a car.  

I am a passenger not the driver...thank goodness!  Thank goodness because my vision is deteriorating.  

Double vision, very dizzy head, trouble focusing in general let alone all the turning and watching that maneuvering a moving vehicle requires! Seriously...thank goodness I am the passenger!

I love to drive! I love the control really! I feel in control, things feel controllable in the drivers seat.  Hugh has let me drive more in the last coulple of years when we are together because when everything has felt out of control, that feels a little more under my command.  Plus...I am a good driver.

Not anymore. Now I am not only a bad driver but a dangerous one.

Now I only ride as a passenger.  Today my chauffeur is a great driver, although he admits he is an overly aggressive one.  His driving has always sort of scared me but I have always been transported from one location to another without incident, although most times I am a basket case by the time I land at point B.  It's a running joke between us. I got my license before him although he is my older brother but I swear he attended a different drivers training school. Bottom line: things feel out of my control when I am in his car and I am all about that control.

Now, today, we are driving through the winding hills outside San Fransisco on our way to our next adventure.  Moving in and out of the car to house, or restraraunt or location is effort for me.  Moving about as a passenger in this speedy red wagon has become a beautiful lesson in surrender.

The other passengers are commenting on the sights around them, pointing out things of interest and intrigue. I can see yellow and orange but can't turn or see if it is oranges or lemons or flowers that is catching their eyes. My eyes are not working fast enough to process.  

Before there would be an on-going dialogue about slowing down, watching out and being careful. "Do you see that biker?" Hands out, feet pretend-braking, bracing myself, probably making him crazy with my paranoia of the for sure impending doom in our future because he is behind the wheel.

Today, butt warm from seat warmers and all buckled in, my eyes are down or even closed. The car is forward moving, turning, stopping, curving, winding, maneuvering, up hills, under bridges, on freeways, yielding to bikes, strollers, crosswalks full of California outdoor enthusiasts. 

There is no anxiety...not even an ounce. I don't know the way or the turns to take to reach our destination. I can't see clearly and with my history, I should be getting car sick but I am not.  I can tell he is adhering to my drivers training more than his own but as I ride I am feeling content and not concerned.  And not because he is driving differently.

I am surrendered. I have the choice and I have let it go. For the first time I am so happy he is in control and is taking care of the way.  Surrender has ushered in a lovely way to travel.  If I want today's adventure, he will get me there.  He knows the way, the shortcuts, and the traffic.  When we arrive, it will be because he safely transported me and not because of anything I did or said other than get in the car and let him take me there.

I can surrender because of his character, because I know he loves me, considers me very precious cargo and wants to see me safely arrived at our destination.  Yes, I choose surrender because of who he is and his love and devotion to me. Surrender is easy when there is trust, love, a kindness of character that allows it to happen with ease.

What a beautiful scenic ride!