dark...part two

night...you know, the time between when you go to sleep and when you set your alarm to go off, that time when it is dark and your desire is sleep.  If we must be up, it is typically dark but maneuvering our rooms is easy comparatively  because it is an area more known to us. We know we left our shoes at the foot of the bed...step carefully around known obstacles.

I see better in the dark so don't feel pity for me here.  I actually create dark during the day hours, closing blinds, leaving off the lights.  There is no profound, spiritual reason for this: as with most symptoms I am having, I am losing my vision due to cancer pressing on my vision centers. I am very light sensitive, so I create darker environments to make myself more comfortable. 

And, yes, there is wrestling between the dark and the light and it is on-going. The wrestling happens in the light and dark. The day-time wrestling match is more public, is shorter, quieter.  Please don't feel pity for me in this wrestling match because I feel no pity for myself.

And the wrestling happens in the dark too but I see better in the dark remember.  It can be a suffocating, choking, pressure-filled place.  I don't feel depressed or blue.   I feel I am being healed.  I am being prepared.  But there is stretching and pulling that must happen.  I am being prepared for the life I have been trying to truly grasp for a long time come.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I am His workmanship. Soon, I will know it inherently.

So in your prayers for me, don't feel sad for me in this dark wrestling match! It is dark because it must be. And rest is always part of the equation and rest comes with joy and peace. Rejoice with me in it! There are sad moments that bring me to my to my knees saying goodbyes and surrendering to the processes of comfort.  It is dark because God shows up in the dark and I want to be where He is.

It is dark here because I am being prepared, for healing, for a full understanding of who I am created to be. No pity please.  I see well in the dark.