bullies

oh cancer...you are a big, mean, nasty bully.

you have arrived back on my playground after summer vacation bigger and nastier and meaner. you have staked-out and called "dibs" on my favorite jungle gym, hula hoops and red rubber balls and are trying to intimidate all the fun out of recess.  you are bigger this fall, more muscle with more swagger and more authority based on where and how you showed up this time.  you are scrappy and a fighter, trying so hard to gain territory in my life.

i can't help but notice those friends you bring with you...this gang of yours seem to be a bigger force to tangle with.  while everyone cowers at the sound of your name, you use your friends, Fear and Doubt to strike the biggest blows.  And Death, well he is your henchman.  He is your right hand man, the one everyone is really afraid of, the reason we cower.  because although cancer is the one we never want to see on our playground, it is ultimately Death that we are trying to really avoid.  sometimes cancer comes to play without death, mostly death just hangs out in the shadows letting everyone know he is always a part of the equation.

this gang of yours are the real bullies.  they are the ones i need to win over and are truly the greater enemy.  you, cancer, may bully me around, threaten to take away my lunch money and cause some bruising but Fear and Doubt and even Death you are the bigger threat to my days, robbing me of all i dream of.  even if i don't win the battle against the cancer bully, i am promised victory over fear and doubt and even...death!  it is promised.

when the powers that be tell me that cancer has taken up residence, that there are just a few things left in their skill set to keep him from having his way with me then i am made even more aware of the larger battle that rages, that has always raged...that of fear and doubt...and death.

these bullies, along with many others, have to be tamed, brought into submission.  while cancer cannot sometimes be tamed, my fear, my doubt can be dealt with and i can be at rest when the bullies scream and show their fists.  i can have unending peace when they threaten me.  when these bullies threaten to take me away from all that i hold dearest, then i rage and want to cower away under their intimidation's but i trust a larger presence.

i trust that death has lost it's sting
i trust a God who is gentle and good to me, but who is a lion also: fierce and angry and not afraid to fight.
i trust those friends on the playground with me that are part of my posse to withstand
i trust the promises of being an overcomer (even in death...i am an overcomer)
i trust the healer even when the healing isn't when or where i want it.
i trust that even when the red dodge balls are hurtling at me in this crazy dodgeball game, that i am not alone on the court....ever!
i  choose, now, to believe for the future that no matter what weapons these bullies bring to the playground that i will stand in grace, even with tears streaming down my face, knowing who i am and that they can't win.

Fear and Doubt and Death...i won't let you intimidate me...i won't!  my life won't be managed by you.  and when you show up with your big, scary words about the future, i say..."step off...you have no place here. i won't let you take away this moment or any moment from my days. Step off!"