the view from here

stepping out of the subway station onto the street brought me to tears. by my side was my handsome and talented son, lucas dressed in a bold, red paint-splotched-patterned shirt that was not shy in it's presentation. i have dreamed of taking him to new york city for years and today, after my nephew's wedding in the catskills, we were finally making our way to the frenetic streets of manhattan, times square and BROADWAY.  although i knew he was excited, he seemed unfazed by our surroundings even as a few tears streamed down my face.  he snickered at my outward emotion. 

from the moment we began our journey, i was made more aware of a part of his life that he carries with grace and dignity.  today as i reflect back on those 5 days, i am inspired to see people differently. let me explain.

i am tall! we all know that. but lucas is even taller. similar to me with my siblings, lucas, got an extra dose of height when he was created.  while lucas' siblings are tall (6'2 and 6'6), lucas stands 6'9" or 6'10" depending on who is measuring him. i have always been so proud of his height, as i have been of my own, and bragged on him.

lucas doesn't fit in his world: cars, airplanes, kayaks, beds, suitcase puller handles, theater seats...the list goes on and on of those elements of his life that he doesn't fit into...literally. he didn't choose this but very rarely did i hear him complain about the inconvenience or discomfort.  hugh and i thought we were doing good by booking two aisle seats on the airplane so we would both have the leg room but even that doesn't work for him because the arm rest on the aisle doesn't raise and his knees don't allow him to get past the arm rest to put his feet in the aisle or to stretch them out under the seat in front of him.  and no complaining came when the man in front put his seat back into lucas' knees. i had a great mom moment when i could trade seats with him on the plane so he could sit with no one next to him and sit a little more sideways and stretch those legs out.  we also traded suitcases for wheeling through the airport because mine has a longer pull handle than his and he was carrying his case because it was easier than bending down to pull it. ugh!

so there is that whole element of just not fitting in your world but as the days went by i also began to see that as hard as he tries to fit in, and boy does he try, it is just difficult to enter, socially speaking, into a world that is 8, 10, 12 or more inches below you. it is difficult to hear conversations going on in groups because everyone is talking at the group level, typically almost a foot below where his ears are.  i began to worry about his hearing during our trip because i often heard him say, "what did you say?" or "what was that she said?"  but then i realized, he can't hear us because we aren't directing our conversation upward...no wonder!  he can hear...he just can't hear us!  and if there is loud music playing...well that is a whole other story!

and the other element that almost saddened me was the complete strangers who felt compelled to comment on his height.  i am used to this on some level, but not from every person i meet.  it seems like every person we encountered had some comment about his height.  complete strangers would stop him on the street and ask him if he played basketball or say..."whoa!"  i began to wonder if they saw the person there behind the stature of his presence or if all they could see was this "anomaly" in front of them.

what did i take away from this time with him? well beyond the fact that am incredibly proud of this young man and how he treats everyone he encounters with kindness in spite of this on-going, consistent and I am sure, tiring exchange over his height, i was inspired to see people through some different eyes.

every one of us has something that makes us different and unique: something that makes us stand out from the crowd...good or bad, it is our "thing" and it can make us feel as if don't feel like we fit in our world.  that is a common thread we all carry.  and thankfully for lucas, being tall is considered a positive thing by our society, although a curious thing by the reactions of those around him.

so what if instead of responding to the "thing" that makes someone feel "unfit", what if i responded to people for who they are...a person! what if i discarded what i see outwardly; their size, their color, their lifestyle, and just saw them as a person.  thankfully, it isn't common to outwardly comment on someones weight or their lifestyle, their job or their choice of mate but i know i have inward thoughts that are judgmental and condemning because i feel uncomfortable with the outward appearance or lifestyle choice or i disagree with your mate choice.  wow! where do i get off?  who wrote that into my job description cause it is a heavy burden to carry...that of judge and jury.

what if i refused to see people without the eyes of Christ? like putting on a pair of glasses, how would that change how i interact with absolutely every human i come into contact with from my husband and children, to the guy in front of me who just cut me off in traffic.  if i see them ALL as children of a GOD who loves them...and who loves me...then life becomes a little less about the outward and more and more about the inward...about love!  how will that impact my day?  might i have more patience when i don't get the kind of customer service i deserve?  might i be more understanding of those around me when they are having a rough day and it might not be all about me in that moment?  might i be more gracious and giving...and kind? when others judge me or treat me badly, might there be forgiveness and grace extended instead of bitterness and resentment when i can see them through eyes other than my natural vision.

at the stage door after "First Date" we waited for the actors to come out and sign our playbill's.  as the star, zachary levi, made his way through the door, he immediately looked over at lucas and said with great enthusiasm, "Wow! You're a giant!"  our encounter with him was brilliant and fun.  he encouraged lucas in his dream of acting on Broadway and told him to "never give up!".  later lucas had the opportunity to have his picture taken with this sweet, humble man.  instead of stepping up to stand beside mr. levi as everyone else was doing, lucas stepped right in front of him, straightening up to his full height.  zachary levi, laughing and loving every moment of it, peeked over lucas' shoulder as i snapped the picture.   

may i embrace those moments when i don't fit in my world, bring laughter to them and bring others into my space.  and may i love others better as i find my way.