my thankful stack

in early january of this year my because-of-cancer friend, kim rexius, gave me a stack of colorful cards with envelopes.  each card had a fun quote on it about being thankful.  all told, there were 52 cards.   one card for each week of the year with instructions to write down each week something i was thankful for.  and on that day in january this year, i had so much to be thankful for. i was in remission, my energy was returning and i was beginning to regain territories that i had lost during my treatments...including my hair!

i had some new resolve and a year ahead to be thankful for.  i knew that i would not have trouble finding things to be thankful for each day so finding 52 things for a whole year seemed quite easy.

for several weeks, every monday, i wrote down my thankful on a card and put it in a little bag hanging on the wall in my office.  then i got a head ache, an mri, another diagnosis, had brain surgery and radiation, yada yada yada and that is sort of how my year started trending.  i stopped writing my thankful's down.  like many new years resolutions to eat better or exercise more, i stopped because my muscles got sore or the french fries looked too good to pass up or when i sat down to do write it down, i sometimes didn't feel very thankful.  some days it was just too much work to be thankful, other times i just felt sorry for myself.

the stack sat on my desk, nestled sweetly between my pencil holder and the printer, untouched but gently reminding me to be thankful.

a few weeks ago, as i was straightening up, the stack got moved next to my bed.  i had a plan now!  48 weeks later i would use those cards still!

bright this morning, the stack called me out of bed.  it was time to address my thankful stack.

ipad in hand, calendar app poised, i began a review of my year. and i began to write down something for every week. first one thing, then two things per card and by years end...many things on each card.  although i know this was not how it was intended, this became a beautiful exercise in thankfulness.

as card number 48, 49, 50, and 51 rolled up to the top of the stack, my heart became full to overflowing with the incredible year i have experienced.  yeah yeah...i know, i got diagnosed three times with brain tumors, had major surgery on said tumors, went through 7 rounds of radiation therapy, had my blood drawn and iv's inserted more times than i can mention, was told horrific statistics like 70% chance of recurrence and "months not years" and i shed more tears in this year than probably any other year in my life, know more about the brain and cancer and now possess a broad medical terminology repertoire...BUT oh my...the moments in between all those moments were precious and full and beautiful.

we witnessed people commit their lives to each other in beautiful wedding ceremonies, some of them offering second chances to happiness, some of them new, young lives pledged together.

i did things i have always wanted to do like go to the country fair and kayak and take my son to new york city.  i hiked and traveled. i got to share my story several times in order to prevent other women from going through what i did and stood behind the governor or oregon as he signed into law senate bill 420.

one card says "frozen yogurt".

one card says, "let's do that!"

there were reunions, reconciliations and re-connections.

disneyland...always thankful for disneyland

things inspired and sustained me like good wine and great food, good words and even better scripture.

i slowed down, sometimes i sped up, i chose differently, i laughed more, i made mistakes on my behavior that i still regret but am learning from.

i saw myself in my hospital bed for six days, dizzy and throwing up, but i see people around me with laughter and hope.  i wrote down that i am thankful for headaches because without them, hugh would not have pressed me to get it checked.  i see the bad things that we encountered but they didn't rise to the surface as i explored my year.   i look back and i am struck with God's timing, provision and presence in it all. Look at what He did here and there and here!

i have many names on my cards because of the new friends i have made this year and the old friends that have become new again.

i wrote down that i am thankful for cancellations and bad news...i found opportunities there that i wouldn't have found otherwise.

i could go on! in fact, now as i write, i have decided to go back and write more on those cards...there is so much more.

card number 52: goodbye 2013...you were a great year!  i am thankful for every moment. many of them not happy but all of them, moment by moment, day by day, week by week created quite a year to be thankful for.