spider

there was a spider in my house.  this arachnid wasn't just a small specimen.  it was one of those big bodied, long hairy-legged buggers that people take pictures of next to a half-dollar coin and post on Facebook so others will believe them when they try to tell you how big it was.  it is gone now but from the first hints of day when i realized that it was in my home, it's presence made me feel edgy.

in the wind and rain from the night before, it took a ride on the wind chimes that hugh brought in off  the front porch.  during the hot, calm nights of summer these don't interrupt my sleep even with the windows open, but with the season changes have come high winds that have whipped up a musical cacophony heard even behind closed windows, blinds and curtains.  the hitch hiking spider took opportunity to build a web in the night hours between the window and the handle of the sheet music cabinet where hugh had placed the chimes.  my morning routine continued as normal: retrieving the newspaper off the porch, glancing at the headlines while the dog took care of business outside and then placing the paper on top of the cabinet for hugh when he woke up.  only when I switched on the light did i see the little travelor.  it was there on it's web, having saved us from some other insect in the house and preparing its own breakfast while I watched.  

i have dealt with my fair share of spiders in my lifetime, but have my criteria for disposal. 1. it has to be against a hard surface before I will go in for the kill (much easier to just smack it with my shoe than try to remove it from its nest with a flimsy kleenix brand tissue) and 2. If there is someone else in the house who is more capable, then the job can wait for them.  spider in web, husband in bed...this guy's life was spared if only for an hour.  isabel got a preview and a "dad will deal with it when he gets up."

sitting in my chair with my tea watching the sun come up, back to the spider, I read and prayed.  distracted, ever aware if it's crawly noises going in behind me, I peeked over my shoulder several times to make sure it was still snacking.  yep, still hanging out, doing what spiders do...be creepy!  30 minutes later, the hubby makes his way down to grab the paper.  informing him of our visitor, I ask if he can dispose of it for me.  "what spider?", he says. "I don't see anything!" 

ahhhhh! what?  gone!?!  web and all, the insect has now taken up residence somewhere in my house...and I don't know where. 

you can bet that it was all I thought about ALL day. every time i walked past the chimes, now moved to lay flat on a table in the entryway, i peeked and peered and worried.  knowing it was somewhere...crawling, building a home, sharpening it's fangs, maybe even laying eggs!  i kept busy all day but you would have thought a monster had moved into my cozy home with how much thought energy I was spending on this small bug.  I knew if I found it, I could deal with it, it was not knowing where it was that kept me on edge.   

and of course, being me, I start equating this situation to my life. I am in this funny, sometimes awkward place with my disease where we know the cancer is in the house, we are aware of its presence and are being vigilant to address it, but for right now all we can do is keep moving about the house, working, cleaning, living, entertaining, loving each other and choosing not to live afraid.  as the day wore on, and every time I passed the spot of potential spiderness, I would say a little prayer that our new resident wasn't making himself too comfortable but also that I would not be afraid.  I began to realize that there might be other things in my life that I needed to pray over, that had rented a room in my spirit, that needed eviction or at least some attention.  so many things I can't change but I need to address my fear about them and learn to be thankful in it if not for it. I am pressing into those things today that scare me, and they have made me feel restless and unstable a bit.  and i am okay with that.  

by late afternoon, the arachnoid had crawled out of one of the wind chime hollows and was resting awkwardly on an envelope on the edge of the table.  a teenage squeal (from my teenager not from me) a smack of my boot and it was over.  everyone could rest easy tonight with the knowledge that no creepy crawly things lingered....at least the one we know about.  Known or unknown I can co-exist with many of the things that frighten me even though a little restless and unstable at times, with a prayerful heart and with joy and thankfulness.